I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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