I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
