Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
