dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
