# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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