I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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