so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize