If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Watching her eat just hurts me
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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