I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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