Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
