im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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