If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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