I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
