Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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