i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
