Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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