watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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