So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
