I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
