Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
