I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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