Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
