Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Fuck appropriateness.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
