yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
