he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
