i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
