she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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