you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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