fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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