He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
