I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
