I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
