I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
