I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
