Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
