It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Let's get the cat blown out
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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