She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
