Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
