It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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