I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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