wakey wakey hands off snakey
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
