She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
