R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
