After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
