Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize