At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Couch. On fire.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
