Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
