Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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