I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
