I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
