So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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