And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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