the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
