Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
