At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
