in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
