Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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