My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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