I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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