I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize