did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
