I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
