I think im going to throw up on grandma
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I party with great urgency now.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
