brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
