That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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