I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
