google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
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