Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
