K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
